


hold on for me - kagehina

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Fluff and Angst, Haikyuu - Freeform, KageHina - Freeform, M/M, Major Illness, Mentioned Akaashi - Freeform, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Sad, mentioned Bokuto, mentioned Kuroo - Freeform, mentioned oikawa - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:47:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26576281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: kageyama always worried about losing to hinata, but now he had to worry about losing hinata.in which hinata becomes devastatingly sick halfway through 1st year.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 11
Kudos: 100





	hold on for me - kagehina

**Author's Note:**

> i am aware this follows a rather similar storyline to in another life and the galaxy is endless pls don’t roast me i wanted to make my own. 
> 
> i love you all, prepare tissues <3 
> 
> i used to have a youtube channel (it got hacked and deleted) and i wanted to post this in video form but i decided not to ;(

It was a chilly October morning the first time Hinata noticed it, a dull ache in his windpipe. It wasn’t very noticeable, and he chalked it up to the strain he put on his lungs to race Kageyama to the gym in such cold weather. He’d just gotten over a nasty cold anyways, one that kept him from practice for a few days.

“Oi, boke, why’d you stop running, I win now,” Kageyama quipped, digging his knuckles briefly into Hinata’s hair. Hinata swatted him away, and leaned against the cold metal door, letting air drag into his lungs. Kageyama was almost concerned about the lack of rebuttal coming from Hinata, but he found himself more concerned over his labored breathing.

His worries were cut short by Daichi and Suga appearing and unlocking the gym for them, and Daichi’s quiet scolding about not getting to school obnoxiously early was lost in the minds of the two first years.

And so the day continued as any other day would continue, Kageyama and Hinata practiced together until they were ushered out, in order to not be late to class. After school practice came, and once again Kageyama and Hinata practiced until they were forced to leave and go home.

They walked home together, as was usual for them too. Their walks always consisted of the same contents, meaningless bickering that most would view as flirting, the innocent but not so accidental brushing of fingers, and the cloud of unspoken feelings that both chose to ignore in fear of rejection.

They were at the corner where their paths split, when Kageyama noticed what had made the walk home feel so different.

“Why were you so quiet on the way home?” Kageyama cast an accusatory glance Hinata’s direction, and if he hadn’t been looking at his feet, he would’ve seen the worry that was buried deep in Kageyama’s eyes.

“Um... I didn’t think you cared about my ramblings,” Hinata said, his eyes looking just left of Kageyama’s face, a telltale sign that Hinata was lying. Kageyama’s first thought was that since Hinata was lying, it meant he knew that Kageyama cared, which was a relief because Kageyama knew he wasn’t as expressive as he could be. He shook his head, knowing that wasn’t what he should be worried about.

“What’s the real reason? Did I... Did I do something wrong?” Hinata wrung his hands together, his fingers red from the cold and gripping his handlebars.

“Can I be honest?”

“You better not lie to me, if that’s what you’re asking,” Kageyama stated with an eye roll. Hinata huffed a breath out, then immediately rubbed the palm of his hand against his sternum.

“It kind of hurts to breathe,” Hinata grumbled, sighing lowly. Kageyama scowled, but secretly wished he could walk Hinata home and take care of him. He would never voice that though.

“Boke. It’s obvious that you didn’t get over your cold yet. Stay at home, I might kill you if you aren’t better for practice, nationals are coming up. We didn’t beat Shiratorizawa for you to have a cold.” Kageyama grumbled, but despite his scary demeanor, he took off the scarf he was wearing and wrapped it around Hinata. Hinata looked up at him with a blush.

Kageyama stepped closer to him, and grabbed Hinata’s hands, suddenly wishing he had gloves to give him too. Instead, silently, he rubbed Hinata’s smaller hands between his large hands, and felt them warm up. Hinata was wearing a shocked expression, and Kageyama too was shocked by his own display of gentle caring affection.

“Stay safe. And... Feel better.” Kageyama said awkwardly. For some reason, Hinata felt a lump in his throat, nothing like the pain he’d felt the rest of the day. Without warning, he threw his arms around Kageyama, soaking up the taller boy’s body heat. Kageyama berated him about spreading his cold, but after a few seconds Hinata felt sturdy arms slither around his waist loosely. Hinata smiled into Kageyama’s neck, then sprung away, yelling something about promising to stay home for one day for Kageyama’s sake. He might as well have been yelling ‘I love you!’ to Kageyama, because those three words held equal importance to him as volleyball.

\- - -

Hinata stayed true to his word, and the next day he didn’t show up to practice, much to Kageyama’s surprise. He missed Hinata being at practice, but remembered that he was the reason Hinata wasn’t at practice in the first place.

“Kageyama, where’s Hinata?” Suga asked him as they were setting up the net before practice. Kageyama silently cursed the way his cheeks bloomed into color at the boy’s name.

“He’s sick.”

“Again?”

“I think it’s the same sickness as before. The idiot can’t stay away from practice for more than two days.”

“You say that as if you are any better than him,” Tsukishima said from behind them. A giggle followed his comment, undoubtedly from Yamaguchi.

Kageyama could only manage a scoff and a rather sad attempt at a glare, the lack of Hinata’s presence had apparently drained him.

Practice droned on painfully slowly for Kageyama. He found himself drifting into thought in the middle of their 3v3 match, wondering how Hinata was doing, if he was still in pain like he was yesterday. He hoped he was feeling okay.

Suga ended up forcing Kageyama from practice, claiming if he took another one of Asahi’s spikes to the face because he zoned out he would get a concussion. Kageyama dejectedly dragged his feet against the damp ground as he walked home, missing Hinata’s presence for the nth time that day. His mind drifted to Hinata, into a vault of his mind he preferred to keep closed off and private.

He thought about Hinata’s eyes, and the way they lit up when talking about things he loved, so, volleyball. He thought about Hinata’s questionable vocabulary, or rather lack thereof, and Kageyama hated to admit that he found the ‘Gwahs’ and ‘Wapows’ endearing. He thought about Hinata’s unabashed love for volleyball, his endless determination.

His mind spent a particularly long time dwelling on a side of Hinata he rarely got to see, but one he both wished to see more of and envied. It was when Hinata was being vulnerable. He’d first seen that side of Hinata when his grandmother was in the hospital. It was his first time seeing Hinata cry about something other than volleyball, and Hinata unloaded so many emotions on to Kageyama. He didn’t know how to respond, but Hinata didn’t seem to care. Seeing this side of Hinata both relieved Kageyama, reminding him that Hinata was human too. But it also made him jealous, it made him wish he could open up too.

He wanted to open up about how painfully in love with Hinata he was. It didn’t even have to be to Hinata, he just wanted the words to exist somewhere in the universe. He wanted those words to materialize and be heard, so that even if he didn’t have Hinata, he had the words as a reminder of him.

He wish he could be vulnerable like Hinata. He wanted anyone, anything, even, to know that he was dangerously, hopelessly, limitlessly in love with him. He didn’t even realize the salty tears cascading down his cheeks until he noticed that he had arrived at home. It was another cold evening, his fingers felt frozen, and his nose was runny, although that could’ve been from crying too.

He pulled out his phone, deciding that even though he’d thought about Hinata enough tonight, he should still text him.

to: hinata  
how are you feeling?

from: hinata  
did kageyama just text me first?! :D  
i’m okay! :^)

to: hinata  
then i’ll be racing you to the gym tomorrow i guess.

\- - -

He didn’t race him to the gym the next day. Or the day after that. It had now been three painfully long days without seeing Hinata, and Kageyama was beginning to lose his mind. Tsukishima made fun of him endlessly for his restlessness and ‘gay pining’, but Kageyama could tell that even Tsukishima was a little worried at Hinata’s absence.

At first, Kageyama thought it might be good to have away time from Hinata, he theorized that his feelings might subside if he didn’t see him for a little while, but if anything his absence was digging a painful hole in Kageyama’s heart, as if Hinata was his lifeline, as if he would die without him.

His tosses didn’t give the same satisfaction as they did when Hinata hit them, the butterflies weren’t there, and his stomach didn’t drop every time he heard the resounding slap of skin against the volleyball.

He wanted to visit Hinata, but was both worried that if he saw him he wouldn’t be able to refrain from kissing him, but he was also worried that if Hinata had been gone for three days now, what he had was possibly more than a little pain while breathing. 

So instead he decided to text Hinata. 

to: hinata

boke, how are you feeling?

It took Hinata a long time to respond, and Kageyama was growing restless, unable to focus on his homework, checking his phone every few minutes. When his phone finally dinged, he picked up his phone so fast it almost went flying across the room.

from: hinata

idk

The emptiness of his message sent Kageyama’s heart racing a thousand miles a minute. The stark contrast of his message from the last message he sent had sweat building on Kageyama’s palms. He wanted to text back ‘dumbass, where’s the emoticons and excessive amount of exclamation points?’ but his hands were too shaky with a foreign feeling he couldn’t pinpoint to text back.

Hinata stared blankly at his phone screen, his text from Kageyama causing him to cry more than he had already cried today. He felt bad for giving such an empty and bland response back, if he had let his heart type the words he might’ve ended up confessing his painfully existent love for Kageyama.

He couldn’t do that though. Not after he’d already lost so much in one day. His mind ran over the words the doctor had said to him earlier today, they’d only been said one time, not enough for it to make sense for Hinata to have the words memorized, but nonetheless, he remembered the whole conversation. How could he not, when he had lost so much in a matter of minutes?

\- flashback -

_Hinata was sitting on a chair in a hospital examining room. Despite it being the 2nd day of November, the A/C seemed to be on, and Hinata was shivering. Hinata’s mother had taken him to the hospital for testing after he had a violent coughing fit that resulting in a smattering of mucus and blood in his elbow as he tried to cover his cough.  
_

_There were 3 brisk raps on the door of the room he, his mother, and Natsu were in. The doorknob turned, and the doctor entered, in a starchy white lab coat, and black shoes that echoed dizzyingly against the bright white tiles of the room.  
_ _  
The first thing that sent Hinata’s heart racing was the look on the doctor’s face, and next, the words that came out of his mouth.  
_ _  
_

_“Severe Cystic Fibrosis.” Hinata didn’t know what those words meant, but they sent his mom into tears, and because of her tears, Natsu followed suit, and soon after, Hinata too was crying. He didn’t know what he was crying over, but he’d never seen his mom so anguished in his life.  
_

_“I’ve never seen a case as severe as this one in my entire time as a doctor. It seems to be working with a viral infection that adds to its severity. I’m very sorry to say that there is no cure, but there is medicine. You’ll have to come here once a month for checkups and hospital treatment.”  
_ _  
Through her sobs, Hinata’s mother asked what the symptoms were. Natsu, despite being unaware of what was happening, was shrieking sobs into her mom’s chest, a sound that raised goosebumps on Hinata’s skin.  
_

_“Hinata, over time, breathing is going to become much more difficult for you. You’ll be sweatier more than before, but also colder. You’ll be more susceptible to lung infections such as pneumonia.” The doctor began going off into the logistics, as Hinata stated blankly at his feet for a long time.  
_

_“Hinata, you’re an athlete, correct?” This sentence sent his head shooting up to look at the doctor. Hinata was always so preoccupied with volleyball, but it hadn’t even came to mind yet.  
_

_“Will I- Will I be able to play?” Hinata asked, his heart rate picking up once more.  
_

_“I have good news for you, but for an utterly sad reason.” Hinata shared a look with his mom, his hands gripping the paper covering the chair he was sitting on.  
_ _  
_

_“You’ll be able to play volleyball again-” And just like that, Hinata’s heart returned to its normal pace, and he felt like this was no longer a big deal to be worried over. He could play volleyball again._

_“But only because your case is so severe it won’t affect how long you have to live.”  
_

_Just as fast as Hinata’s heart had settled back into place, his stomach dropped. He hadn’t considered the fact that his well-being could truly be at risk._

_The room became noisy once again as his mom and sister’s sobs returned, heavier this time._  
  


_“How... long?” Hinata’s throat seemed dry, and he wondered if it was one of the symptoms._  
  


_“2 months.”_  
  


_The words pierced through Hinata’s heart immediately, his body stilled. He had always thought that he wouldn’t make it to nationals because of his skill, not because he wouldn’t live long enough to achieve his dream. He had finally made his lifelong dream a reality, and now, he wouldn’t even be alive to see his team play. To see his team win.  
  
_

_His second thought, after nationals, was Kageyama. Specifically, Kageyama’s birthday, two months from now. He’d been planning for ages now, that on Kageyama’s 16th birthday, he would finally confess his feelings to him. Now he wouldn’t even live long enough to do that. His whole world had come crashing down on him at once, his two motivators, nationals, and the boy he was in love with, both seemed so painfully out of touch now.  
  
_

_He was dying._  
  


\- flashback over -

\- - -

One inhaler tutorial, and several medicine bottles later, Hinata was back on his to volleyball practice. He was determined to not let his teammates know that anything happened until after nationals. He would hang on for nationals, he was determined, he had to hang on. He walked into the gym with a bright smile on his face. His muscles felt stiff, and he was eager to get back into the game. He would learn to deal with the aching pain that came with deep breaths, and he would learn to deal with the cold that but at him endlessly. 

Kageyama’s knees felt weak when he saw Hinata walk in, at this point, it had been 4 days since he’d last seen Hinata, which is the longest he’d gone without seeing him in months. He felt like he had finally reconnected with a piece of himself. 

Tanaka and Noya tackled Hinata, which resulted in an immediate scolding from Daichi. Hinata laughed, truly and loudly, and the sound alone made Kageyama blush and smile. Suga gave him a knowing look. Kageyama felt relieved. Hinata was okay. Hinata was going to be okay. Kageyama had nothing to worry about. 

He snapped out of his lovestruck daze and he caught eyes with Hinata, who immediately blushed then waved like a madman. All Kageyama could do was give a small shy wave in return, which ended in Tsukishima teasing him for looking like a bashful school girl. Kageyama would’ve thrown a volleyball at his head if not for him feeling so overwhelmingly relieved, safe, and happy in Hinata’s presence. 

He came to the conclusion recklessly quickly, he was going to confess to Hinata tonight. There wasn’t a single part of his body that telling him it was a bad idea to confess. He’d been utterly hopeless without Hinata around. He needed Hinata to always be near, so he’d never feel lost again. He couldn’t imagine being away from Hinata for any more than four days. There he stood in the middle of the court, admitting to himself that his dream was for him and hinata to be a forever thing. 

“Kageyama! Set for me!” Hinata cheered, ripping off his jacket and throwing it onto the bench. Hinata shivered, but fought back the cold. He wouldn’t let it stop him from what he loved, and who he loved. 

Kageyama didn’t need to be told twice, he set the ball immediately and perfectly to Hinata and it slammed onto the other side of the net with a satisfying sound that Kageyama missed. Kageyama smiled at Hinata, and Hinata froze in his tracks. It wasn’t like his normal almost threatening half grin half smirk, it was a genuinely happy smile that revealed tiny dimples at the corner of Kageyama’s lips. 

“Okay lovebirds, I know that this is a dramatic reuniting for both of you, but stop ogling at each other on the court and actually practice!” Daichi called from the sidelines. 

Both boys went many shades of red, and avoided each other’s eyes. They were both thinking the same thing, dwelling on the word lovebird, but neither of them brought it up again. Kageyama noticed that Hinata needed to take more breaks than usual, but simply concluded that laying in bed with a cold for four days had slightly damaged his endurance. He was sure that Hinata would be back into perfect shape soon. 

His stomach swirled anxiously as Daichi had told them they were free to leave. The sun would slip below the horizon soon, the sky already painted with soft pinks, reds, and deep blues. Kageyama had waited by the gate for Hinata, who had been stopped by Suga, to check up and make sure he was okay. All the way from the gate he could feel the warmth radiating from Hinata’s smile. 

Hinata walked up to him, musing to himself about being tired and being ready to go to bed. 

“Dumbass don’t you need to get your bike?” Kageyama asked. A look of worry flashed over Hinata’s face for a second, and Kageyama eyed him suspiciously. The expression was quickly replaced with a lopsided smile and flushed cheeks. 

“Yeah, about that. My mom said that from now on she wants to drive me to school everyday. So I don’t bring my bike anymore.” Hinata shuffled his feet awkwardly, ready to start walking. 

Kageyama’s heart was beating rapidly, but we wouldn’t let himself back out of his confession. He had experienced four days without Hinata, and he didn’t think he could ever do that again. 

“I was actually wondering if we could go the park for a little bit? Not for long just a few minutes.” Kageyama mumbled embarrassedly.

Hinata’s face lit up, and he nodded excitedly. This was the first time Kageyama had been the one to initiate plans, it had always been Hinata to suggest they go somewhere or do something, not that he minded. Giddy with excitement, Hinata mindlessly linked their arms together, and for the first time since the hospital, Hinata felt a little bit warm. An icy sensation still pricked at his face and feet, and the dull pain had returned with slightly more fervor than before, but he didn’t mind. 

The walk to the park was quiet, and while Kageyama enjoyed it seeing as it gave him time to think over what he was going to say, Hinata hated it. With his arm still linked with Kageyama’s, and the silence letting thoughts slip in and out of his mind, an overwhelming feeling of guilt started to gnaw at his heart. He was dying, and he wasn’t going to tell his best friend. 

He forced back the lump in his throat, and the pain seemed to transfer to his lungs. He yanked his arm out of Kageyama’s and covered his mouth with his elbow as he was sent into a coughing fit. Kageyama, taken aback, stepped away from him. Then, without a second thought he rested a hand on Hinata’s slumped back, then pulled his water bottle out of his bag, shoving it into Hinata’s hands. 

Hinata knew the water wouldn’t help his cough, but as to not blow his cover of his illness, he took it readily and downed it quickly. A minute later, the coughing subsided, and thankfully, Kageyama didn’t question him, and they wordlessly continued their walk to the park, which Hinata could now see out in the distance. 

As they arrived, the sun was grasping onto the horizon, the vibrant shades of pink and red fading, being replaced by a deep blue, and white light from the moon that washed everything in an ethereal silvery white light. 

“Hinata, I brought you here for a reason. There’s something I really need to talk to you about.” 

Hinata froze, panic rising in his gut. Had his secret already been discovered already? Kageyama cocked his head, seeing the look of worry on Hinata’s face. Nonetheless he took a deep breath and thought to himself, 

‘Be vulnerable, don’t be afraid to show emotion.’ 

“Hinata?” He cursed his shaky voice, wanting to appear sure of himself and confident. 

“Kags?” Hinata echoed, nervousness matching Kageyama’s. Kageyama’s heart swelled at the nickname.

“I don’t know if this is what you want to hear. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to let things get this out of hand but they just did and I’m sorry!” Kageyama couldn’t bring the words to slip out of his mouth, his legs feeling weak and dizziness plaguing his mind. 

“Hinata, I... Fuck. Hinata I’m in love with you!” He shouted.

Hinata’s heart dropped. 

‘Is this... is this something touchable? Is this... is this really happening? Is one of my wishes going to be granted?’ He thought to himself. What happened next shocked Kageyama. 

Hinata burst out into tears, long, painful sobs wracking his body. 

“Hinata! I- I’m sorry! I... I didn’t know you’d react so badly, shit!” Kageyama backed up, a nervous sweat building on his neck despite the cold weather. 

“No!” Hinata shouted, suddenly, and shoved himself into Kageyama’s chest. Hinata had never been so happy and hopeful in his life. He didn’t think it would be possible to achieve either of his dreams before he was gone, but here he was. 

“Kageyama! I love you too!” He admitted, only crying harder. His grip tightened on Kageyama as he talked. 

“You- what? Why are you crying then?” Kageyama asked, pulling back only so he could see Hinata’s face. It was tear-streaked and red, and his hair was a little more deflated than usual, but his face was washed in the same beautiful moonlight. 

“I... I don’t want to lose you,” Hinata whispered, not making eye contact with Kageyama. 

“Dumbass... You aren’t going to lose me,” he responded, running his arms as soothingly as possible up and down Hinata’s back. 

‘I know...’ Hinata wished he could say. ‘You’re going to be the one losing me, and so much sooner than you could ever imagine.’ And because of that thought, a whole new type of guilt began to gnaw at his insides. This was no longer his best friend he was hiding the truth from. This was someone he was in love with who also happened to be in love with him. 

Although Kageyama’s confession was simple, his eyes as he confessed expressed that the love he felt wasn’t some ‘I love you like a high school fling’ type of love, but instead a ‘I don’t see myself ever falling in love with someone else, please stay with me forever.’ type of love. A type of love just as heartbreaking as it is heartwarming because of how unattainable it is to them. Hinata couldnt dwell on what he couldn’t change though, so he gently placed his hands on Kageyama’s hips, and kissed him. 

It was soft and slow, and neither boy was completely sure if they were doing it properly, they were both new to this. But Kageyama had never felt butterflies as strongly as he did when Hinata’s soft lips grazed his own. His own hands went to the small of Hinata’s back and into his unruly orange hair. Kageyama could feel Hinata’s tears on his own cheeks, or maybe he was just crying too. Hinata tasted sweet, like whipped cream brown sugar. Hinata gasped as Kageyama’s tongue uncertainly swiped across his bottom lip. Their kiss deepened, entering a new part of their relationship quickly. 

They both pulled back for air, neither of them knowing what to say, no words able to sum up the love, excitement, and nervousness that they felt. Kageyama blushed seeing Hinata’s swollen lips, and it hit him all at once that Hinata loved him too. 

“Hinata! Please be my boyfriend!” Hinata felt like he could cry all over again. He gazed up to the sky, and wondered if he had a guardian angel looking over him, granting him a dying wish before it became truly and completely unattainable. Hinata let his eyes drift back down to meet Kageyama’s gaze, and felt butterflies again by the utter amount of love that was radiating from his gaze. 

“Only if you call me Shoyo,” He offered, smiling gingerly at the setter in front of him. Hinata giggled as he watched the boy blush deeply, and the blush only deepened more when he heard Hinata’s giggles. 

“O-only if you call me Tobio,” Kageyama concluded nervously. Hinata nodded eagerly, and pulled his boyfriend into another kiss. The two lovers stayed there for minutes longer, doing nothing more than kissing, breaking apart, laughing nervously, and complimenting the other shyly. Hinata could never express how grateful for Kageyama he was, for the first time since the hospital, he felt whole again. 

\- - -

Over the following three weeks, life was surprisingly normal for Hinata, except now, normal including having a boyfriend. His new normal was being cold all the time, but Kageyama always gave up his gloves, jackets, and hats. His new normal included dates every Friday and Saturday that included a spectrum of affection, from innocent kisses to heated make out sessions. His new normal included coughing all the time, but Kageyama never questioned him and always gave him water, even if it didn’t help. 

His new normal was changing though, because his even newer normal after three weeks was the pain in his lungs being unbearable some nights, some coughing sessions were so violent he couldn’t talk the next day. It was the buildup of anxiety that made his monthly hospital stay come a few days early, thankfully during a long weekend. 

He was admitted to the hospital Friday morning, November 22nd. For most of the day, he was restricted to his bed, getting cameras shoved down his throat, and different needles stuck in different parts of his body. In and out were unfamiliar faces, and everything was beginning to stress him out. For the first time, he wished Kageyama knew what was happening. 

Later on Saturday evening, the doctors gave him the all clear to at least roam around the hospital with his mom, so long as he stayed in a wheelchair. He readily agreed, and although he felt somewhat helpless, it was better than being in his tiny hospital room all night. For the most part, he kept his eyes closed and let his mom push him wherever she wanted, a powerful wave of exhaustion had slipped over him. 

He tuned his mother out eventually, and began thinking about how he’d been feeling lately. He didn’t want to admit it, but it was really starting to feel like the light at the end of the tunnel was inching closer and closer by the second. He suddenly shot his eyes open. He couldn’t sleep. Would he wake up? He couldn’t stand the thought. He began to cry out of nowhere, and his mom immediately stopped pushing him, and swiveled the wheelchair around so he was facing her. 

“Shoyo! Are you in pain? What’s wrong? Can you breathe?” 

“Mom... I’m scared!” He cried, gripping his hospital gown. 

“I don’t want to go to the light! I don’t want to fall asleep! What if I don’t wake up?! Mom I don’t want to die!” He shouted, powerful sobs shaking his body. 

His mom was left utterly speechless, hearing him cry out shattered her heart. All she could do was bring him back to his room and try to comfort him, as he refused to sleep in fear of not waking up. 

\- - - 

Nishinoya walked into the gym slowly, feet dragging on the ground. The rest of the team, minus Hinata, were already in there stretching. Hinata had texted the team earlier and let them know that he was going to be a little bit late to practice. He hadn’t been at school today, some of the team noticed. 

“Noya bro!” Tanaka greeted excitedly, clapping him on the back as he walked in. Noya could barely manage a smile. 

“Are you good bro?” 

“Um... guys, I kind of have some weird news,” Noya mumbled, and a wave of anxiety shifted through every team member. Noya was never serious, unless it was something truly bad. 

“Noya, what’s up?” Asahi asked, his gentle voice laced with caring and worry. 

“Well... My grandfather was in the hospital this weekend. He’s okay, but I still wanted to go check on him,” Noya started, rocking back and forth on his feet. The team all shared a sympathetic look him, but stayed quiet, sensing that the story wasn’t over. 

“I was about to leave late Saturday night, but I saw Hinata there...” 

“I wonder who he was visiting? He hasn’t brought anyone up...” Kageyama questioned out loud. 

“That’s the thing... He wasn’t visiting anyone. He was in a hospital gown, he was in a wheelchair, with his mother pushing him. And they were both crying. Like, really really crying. I got freaked out and left...” 

Kageyama’s whole world blurred around him. His heart had surely lodged itself in his throat, his stomach must’ve dropped to his feet. Surely, with the way he was feeling, the ground must’ve crumbled under him, and now he was falling in an empty abyss that never ended. With how he felt, Karasuno didn’t exist, he wasn’t in the gym, he was alone, so painfully alone- 

“Hey guys! What’s going on? Why are you all so quiet?” Hinata entered the gym, seeing the team stood in a circle silently, all of them staring at the ground. 

“H-Hinata...” 

“Kageyama? What’s wrong?...” 

“Are you... A-are you sick?” Kageyama felt the tears prick at his eyes. He fully expected Tsukishima to make a joke about Kageyama crying, but when he looked up, Yamaguchi had taken Tsukki’s glasses off, and was tenderly dabbing at the blond’s eyes with the sleeve of his jacket. 

Hinata felt the same as Kageyama, falling, the walls he’d built crumbling around him the same way the ground fell out from beneath him. Everything he’d worked so hard to hide, so exposed and weak and open. How’d they even figure it out? 

“I-... I um...” He couldn’t even talk properly, his lungs were hurting and he felt like he could throw up. That reaction was enough of an answer for Kageyama. 

“You’ll... you’ll be okay right? You’ll be healthy soon, and then we can go back to going on dates every weekend, and preparing for nationals! You’ll be fine, please tell me you’ll be fine!” Kageyama was basically bawling, his voice cracking every other word, and having to stop every sentence to take jerky, stuttering breaths. 

But Hinata couldn’t lie. He couldn’t lie to him, he couldn’t get his hopes up about this. He couldn’t tell Kageyama that things would be okay. He couldn’t tell Kageyama that they’d win at nationals together, and continue their dates, couldn’t tell him that they’d grow up together. They were still kids, he couldn’t even tell Kageyama that they’d graduate together. 

The team watched with horror as Hinata sunk down to the floor, confirming their worst fears; he wouldn’t be okay. 

“One m-month,” Hinata stuttered out, coughing in between the two words. 

“Hinata... One month until what?” Suga coaxed, but even though he was trying to comfort Hinata he still felt tears swell in his eyes.

“I have... I have one month to live... Severe Cystic Fibrosis, the worst case they’ve ever seen,” Hinata croaked out. The team was silent, then all at once they started crying out loud. The gym reverberated their sobs and anguished cries. Tsukishima was full on sobbing in Yamaguchi’s arms. Asahi gingerly took Noya into his arms. Suga had crumpled to the ground, his back to Daichi’s stomach who held him from behind. Kinoshita and Narita were both hugging, crying into each other’s shoulders. Tanaka fell into Ennoshita’s open arms. Yachi and Kiyoko were sat on the ground, Yachi wailing into Kiyoko’s lap. Even Ukai and Takeda were embracing, Ukai enveloping Takeda into his jacket. Kageyama stood alone his feet glued to the floor, watching his boyfriend, who had been dealing with this pain alone, crying silently on the floor.

“Shoyo...” The team looked at Kageyama, still unaware of the relationship between the two boys. Kageyama’s feet unsteadily carried himself to the boy, uncertain if the floor would fall out beneath him. Hinata shakily stood up, making eye contact with Kageyama for the first time that evening. Hinata ran into his arms, crying into his chest.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. After everything I’ve lost in the past month, I didn’t want to scare you off. I didn’t want to lose you the same way I’ve lost everything else that I’ve ever known. I’m sorry!” He cried. 

“Shoyo. I love you. You’ll never lose me.” The team, still crying, though muffling the sound with their hands, jackets, or the body of someone else, watched the science.

“B-but... You’re going to lose me. I’m dying, Tobio! It’d be a miracle if I even made it to your birthday... Do you not realize that?! How... how do you love me even though you know you’re going to lose me?” Kageyama’s stomach dropped even lower, if that was even possible. He felt like a knife had messily sawed his heart out. 

“That only makes me love you so much more... That makes the memories we made even more important to me. Shoyo listen to me, you are my once in a lifetime. That’s something that no one can take away from me. From us. No matter how long or short this lifetime is, we love each other infinitely. That’s all that matters to me.” The 2nd wave of cries rang out at Kageyama’s speech. The team was witnessing true soulmates.

\- - - 

Not even two full weeks after the discovery of Hinata’s illness had passed before he’d had a bad enough coughing fit that he was moved into a permanent room in the hospital. The team could hardly believe it, their bright, ray of sunshine first year was actually living his last days out. They’d all visited him multiple times a week, even Tsukishima showed up often and told him random volleyball facts. 

Hinata begged Tsukishima to ask Yamaguchi out, because Yamaguchi had always gushed to Hinata about Tsukishima. He nearly cried tears of joy when Yamaguchi came in the next day wearing one of Tsukishima’s hoodies and a blush on his cheeks. 

He felt happy with all his teammates visiting him. Bokuto, Akaashi, Kenma, Kuroo, and Oikawa had all been frequent visitors too. And when they weren’t with Hinata, Kageyama was. Even though it was against the hospital’s rules, Kageyama had been allowed to stay the night several times. Hinata figured they felt bad for him. He was only 16 after all. 

But there were a few rare occasions when Kageyama couldn’t stay the night, and Hinata was left all alone on what was inevitably his death bed, with nothing but his thoughts. 

‘This is really happening...’ He thought to himself wearily. 

‘I’m never going to go to nationals. I’m going to die, I’m really going to die...’ 

The next evening after school, when Kageyama walked into Hinata’s room, nothing prepared him for what he saw. Hinata had a breathing machine. There were more needles and pieces of equipment violating his body than he thought possible. The room was silent aside from the heart monitor and the breathing machine, and the occasional start of ventilation. 

Hinata was awake, Kageyama noted, but he looked tired. Kageyama couldn’t even begin to imagine falling asleep with everything connected to him. His skin was pale, bags evident underneath his eyes, lips chapped. 

“Happy birthday, Tobio.” Hinata’s voice was so weak that Kageyama almost missed it. His voice was scratchy and soft, not loud and bright. Kageyama missed his smile. 

“Thank you,” was all that he could say, all that he could even think to say. 

“I’m sorry this is a terrible birthday gift,” Hinata mumbled weakly and tears pricked at his eyes. Those words alone brought Kageyama to tears. 

“Don’t you dare apologize to me for that. You’re here, that’s all that matters.” 

“I’m here... But Tobio, my lung collapsed last night. It hurt so bad.” 

Kageyama felt an electric zap shock his entire body at those words. ‘It’s happening... It can’t be happening...’ He thought painfully to himself.

“But I held on for you,” Hinata finished his thought. Kageyama looked his lover in the eyes, just now understanding how much pain he was in; he felt it too. He realized the only thing Hinata was holding on for was him. He was purposely suffering, just for Kageyama. He thought about his next words with care, because as soon as he said them, that was it. As soon as he said them, his once in a lifetime would be a memory.

“You don’t have to hold on. If it’s hurting you can let go.” The last string binding Hinata to life had officially been cut, like he was waiting for permission to say goodbye, and Kageyama had just given the all clear. 

“Will... Will you be okay?” Hinata rasped out, and grabbed Kageyama’s hand. 

“I will be.” It was a lie, but Kageyama knew if he said no Hinata wouldn’t let his body give out on him. He would continue to suffer if he said no. 

“I’ll miss you, until we find each other again.” 

Kageyama let the tears flow freely now. 

“I’ll miss you too, Shoyo,” He returned. 

“Maybe in the next life I’ll be taller than you.” 

Kageyama could only let out a weak attempt at a laugh. 

“Hey Tobio?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I’m going to let go now. Thank you for letting me.” 

“I love you Shoyo.” 

10 seconds. Hinata closed his eyes. 

20 seconds. His grip on Kageyama’s hand went slack. 

30 seconds. The beeping of the heart monitor slowed into a steady beat. He was gone. 

Kageyama wouldn’t let himself turn back around as he left the room. 

2 months later 

If you asked anyone who knew Hinata what the saddest day of their life was, everyone would have said Hinata’s funeral. Everyone he’d ever played against had shown up to mourn. Karasuno took it the hardest of all. They sat with each other and drove with together to the graveyard where Hinata was laid to rest. No one had expected it to actually happen, no one expected the universe to really take the sun away from them. 

Karasuno was currently standing in the Tokyo Dome. They were feeling dejected, not ready to play without Hinata there, without him, they wouldn’t have made it to nationals at all. They were also missing their ‘fly’ banner, a reminder of all their past games. 

“Karasuno!” Kiyoko called from the stands high above. She was holding a black wad of fabric in her hands. They all turned around, and saw her holding the fabric with teary eyes. She connected it to the railing and let the banner fall. It was a vertical banner, and on it was Hinata, mid-spike with a vibrant smile on his face. ‘Fly’ was still written in bold letters at the top. The team all joined into a group hug, and chanted ‘For Hinata!’ 

When Karasuno won the final point, won nationals, Kageyama sank to his knees and looked up to the sky. He hoped Hinata was watching down. Right there, in the middle of the Tokyo Dome, Kageyama sweared on his life that he would find Hinata again, and this time, never let him go.


End file.
